On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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