we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
