it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize