I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
