Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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