Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize