I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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