That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
