some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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