wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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