i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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