I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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