Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
