How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
