So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
