can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
