this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
