dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
