What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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