Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
