I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
