i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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