finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
