girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize