i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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