So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
