The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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