ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
