sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
