Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
