i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
