i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
