It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You need Xanax blowdarts
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
