I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
