I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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