I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
