My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
