i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
