some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
