i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
