just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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