She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
