I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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