he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
that may or may not have been my penis.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
