I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
