come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
