Dual....:-)
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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