i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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