I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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