tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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