My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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