my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
