rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
