how can u be prego again
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
