My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the condom got lost in my hair
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
3pm strippers are depressing
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
