I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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