Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
