you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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