I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
