At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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